Raw Thoughts Over Black Coffee

It really is quite a trip sitting in a coffee shop. There is something about coffee. Something about having a cup of it or some other version of it or tea and just existing with other people. I suppose that's how it is with drinks in general. But coffee is something special. (So is tea, but for the purposes of my current culture...) 

Right now I'm sitting in an old coffee shop on Georgetown square. This place used to be something else. It used to be owned by this dynamic family, run by dynamic people and with the aesthetics of a truly unique shop. Now it's sort of...mainstream (and I use this word lightly, not in its typical sense.) It has a lot less uniqueness. Cool thing is, though, it hasn't stopped being an enchanting place where memories are made over a muffin and a cup. 

Right now as I sit in this coffee shop, there is a girl and a woman to my right talking about college. Talking about housing, what to major in, what to expect, and all this other stuff. And it's probably one of the most frustrating things ever to me. Why? Because it reminds me of when I was in the same boat. I hardly knew what I was talking about or what I was going in to. I was uncertain about so many things. I had so many incorrect premonitions. And looking at how far I've come, I'd hate to be in that place again. This conversation is frustrating. 

I suppose it's also a sweet reminder of just how far I've come. I'm in a different place for sure. But then... I suppose I'm also in the same place as this girl, as I was before. I graduate college in May 2015 and I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing or what I want to do. At least this girl to my right is hashing it out with someone. I'm almost afraid to.  I'm almost afraid to think about the future because when I start aligning options, it becomes more real. And right now, I'm so content where I am. 

But I'm not. This past semester has been the best one I have ever lived. I am so full of joy when I think of the memories I've made. And part of me doesn't want this crazy, special undergrad college time to end. Another part of me can't wait for the adventures ahead. A part of me does think about the future and dreams of all the possibilities and is always telling myself not to let them slip away. Don't stop living this life you love, no matter where you are. 

My thoughts jumble. Some guy just walked by and called me my sister Kymbrly. It makes sense—this is her hub and we are basically twins. My thoughts jumble. This girl has already graduated high school? I'm confused. My thoughts jumble. I have a page of writing I've left unfinished to write this here blog post. My thoughts jumble. God? Hello. Hi. Here we go. 

The ghost of a good conversation amongst friends, this the empty table at a coffee shop. 

What Are You Waiting For?

I like to think.  I like to share my thoughts with the Lord and see what he thinks, too.  One time I was thinking, and something hit me (I usually get hit by thoughts – not tapped or nudged, although that does happen sometimes, too. Actually, maybe some thoughts sneak up on me also… so never mind). But yes, a thought hit me – what am I waiting for? What am I waiting for???

We’re always waiting it seems! We are always waiting for the next milestone – graduation, next vehicle, next paycheck, next sport event, next relationship, next house, next job, next pay-raise, year, child, class, birthday, wedding, you name it! We’re waiting for it.  Sometimes the wait is simply normal, like waiting in line at the DPS office to get a new license or waiting to have enough money to make a down payment on something. Sometimes, waiting isn't okay.  Sometimes we wait until graduation to start living like there’s a real world out there (speaking for students of all ages). Sometimes we wait until the morning-of to study for a test (guilty a hundred times over).  Sometimes we wait until the work-day is over to start enjoying the time we have. Sometimes we wait until we are in a new relationship to start actively working on the character flaws we know we have to wrestle with.  Sometimes we wait until we have our first child to start seeing humanity as precious and valuable. 

I looked at all these elements of waiting and decided that I don’t want to wait. I’m done waiting. I’m done waiting to take charge of my attitude and development as a person until I’m…what, more grown? A wife? A mother? A grandmother? When do you start making changes and growing? Yes, I know that each of those times of my life will bring each their own lessons and seasons of growth that I can’t experience right now.  But I don’t want to go into those times unequipped, having waited until I’m in an intimate relationship with someone to practice far-stretched patience or profuse forgiving or self-sacrificing. I don’t want to wait until I’m married to start taking constructive criticism seriously and delicately.  I don’t want to wait until I have an “official job” to start doing what I love. The time is now.

I've heard that phrase over and again, too.  The time is now. It never really got to me, though, until recent thoughts hit me (hahahahaha). So here is one of my new mantras I've been sharing with those close to me:

The life I’m living now is the life I always want to live. I’m not waiting to live how I want to live in the future.

What this means to me is not that I’m completely satisfied with where I am now but that I am completely satisfied with how I’m living my life now.  How am I choosing to live life now?  I’m choosing to take each day and actively seek how I can give this life I've been given back to the One who is worth all of my life and so so so so much more.  I’m choosing to live each day in the understanding that I have so much more to learn about life and God and loving his world.  I’m choosing to laugh more, care more, give more, adventure more, fail more, cry more, celebrate more.

I’m simply saying that I’m not waiting until the bad times, rough times, odd times, emotional times or whatever have passed for me to start being better for Christ. It seems almost absolute to say I’m completely satisfied with how I’m living my life now. It isn't though, because my understanding is that I’m living with the knowledge that I have so much farther to go – and that’s why it’s important not to wait. We’ll always, always have room to be better, to grow more like Christ, to love people more. So why wait? Why wait and fall behind? Why wait and watch the excellent life pass you by when you can hop on to the excellent-life boat and sail through life in excellence? Does this sound cheesy? Maybe it is. But it’s real. And it’s now. I want to be on that excellent-life boat. I know the waters will get rough sometimes. Shoot, I’ll even get knocked out of it every now and then. Other times, though, I’ll see the most beautiful things on the journey. I’ll feel the winds of life rushing along with me. I’ll see the power of God and how he is constantly in motion. And I know deep down inside, I’d much rather be on the boat of excellence, excellently giving my life back to the Lord for his glory alone, than to be on the shore wishing I was.