"I've Been Afraid Of Changing" - Growth Resources for Expanding Your Love!

Get ready to jump in!

I've quoted it in a blog before, but I love the lyrics in "Landslide":

"Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changin'

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm getting older too

And I'm getting older too"

You are one-of-a-kind. Scientifically, there is no one exactly like you. Your thoughts are valid. Your experiences are valid. Who you are is valid. You are allowed to be you. In fact, it is one of your biggest callings. Calling from what? From who? God? The Universe? Science? Whatever the case, the depths of who you are cry out to be listened to and cultivated. In understanding the deep intricacies of your own biology, spirituality, and physicality, you may begin to see how each person has all their own very complex identities. 

I have discovered a wonderful world of personal growth and development! I was tired of doing the same things over and over again, not understanding how to change the behaviors I was so aware of that needed changing. Not everyone is at this point, but if you are here - if you have questions about yourself, about the meaning of life, and about changing the things about you that you know are not good - I am here to share some resources that have helped me immensely: 

THE OVERWHELMED BRAIN

http://theoverwhelmedbrain.com by Paul Colaianni.

I went through a period of depression (and still have various seasons). During this time, I had no resources for understanding my experience.  In the religious circles I was a part of, we were discussing depression, but it did not provide practical steps for moving forward. Generally speaking, some religious groups believe in a healing power from God alone. If this is you, I do not mean to negate your beliefs. What I am saying, though, is that for me personally, there was no spiritual remedy. I could not afford counseling at the time (which, counseling is also another religious taboo for some), and I knew I needed help because I didn't want to stay this way forever. By some wild chance, I happened upon the PODCAST world, and this was the first one. The Overwhelmed Brain speaks to those going through anxiety, depression, and relationship struggles. The podcast host, Paul Colaianni, shares his personal experiences from failed marriages and frustrating habits. He laughs and goes deep. I highly encourage you to check out what he has to say if you are going through any of these struggles. Paul's show was not the only solution, but his stories and discussion provided a caveat for gaining resources to help myself and accept help from others. These podcasts also contributed to me beginning my journey to self-compassion and having deeper compassion for others. 

PERSONALITY HACKER

http://theoverwhelmedbrain.com  by Joel Mark Witt & Antonia Dodge.

I cannot begin to tell you how useful this resource has been! Once again, I began listening to their podcast shows. I know many people have been exposed to personality tests (like Meyers Briggs) in different ways. For me, it was a mostly brand new exposure to the personality world. BUT WAIT! Before you dismiss these people as yet another one of those crazy personality test evangelists, Mark and Antonia do an incredible thing with personality resources. They introduce your personality as a wiring of the brain, not as behavioral tendencies. When they help articulate how your brain is wired and how it functions, they provide resources for being a balanced individual and how to grow in the best way possible. I wish I could just blab on and on about this! (And I often do...). But before you dismiss this group as yet another form of putting people in boxes, my personal experience with understanding myself through Personality Hacker has helped me outside of my mental box and helped me understand others in a far more complex and broader way! When I was younger, most of my family and cultural context consisted of extroverts. They would always tell me, "Get out of your shell!" and, "Quit being so antisocial!" So I became a sort of "fake" extrovert in order to survive. I never had the language for understanding my uniqueness as an introvert until recently. What a lot of healing to do!! This community has opened my eyes to my personal individuality and to that of others. I always make sure to let people know that I am not intending to put them in a box but am trying to get out of my own. 

THE SMART COUPLE

http://www.jaysongaddis.com/the-smart-couple-podcast/ by Jayson Gaddis.

This guy! He goes deep! Jayson Gaddis focuses on healthy and growing, dynamic relationships. After I began understanding myself as an individual, I finally felt I had resources to begin also exploring myself as an intimate partner. This podcast gives resources to do just that! The biggest thing Jayson taught me? How to understand men. He drives deep into the world of male conditioning and the disconnect most men feel due to the unnecessary pressures put on them by society. I almost became one of those flaming, angry feminists because I had been hurt by so many men in my family and religious circles. Through this podcast, I realized how difficult it is to be a man in most societies. I highly encourage all people to check out this podcast!!! 

ORDINARY LIFE & IMAGO

Imago Part 1 - http://www.ordinarylife.org/ordinary_life_podcast/2015/7/14/imago-relationship-therapy-part-one?rq=imago
Imago Part 2 - http://www.ordinarylife.org/ordinary_life_podcast/2015/7/21/imago-relationship-therapy-part-2?rq=imago
Imago Part 3 - http://www.ordinarylife.org/ordinary_life_podcast/2015/7/28/imago-relationship-theory-part-3?rq=imago

I'm least familiar with this podcast. What I am familiar with is the idea of Imago Relationship Therapy, which I listed above. I first heard of Imago through Personality Hacker (everything is connected!!) It blew my mind! This resource is truly life changing. The basic idea is that nature desires to heal itself. Our subconscious mind guides us to the same kind of relationships over and over again. Often times we find the same cycle of intimate relationships in our lives, all ending in the same sort of tragic heartbreak. Imago gives resources to bring the subconscious relationship world to the conscious mind. The idea is that we are attracted to people who will provide space for the most healing in our lives. This usually means we are attracted to people who have a lot of the same negative characteristics as our primary caregivers in childhood. The subconscious mind wants to sort of heal through trying to change our partners in ways we couldn't change our parents or caregivers, in order to heal. When we realize all of these subconscious tendencies, we can begin to heal without trying to force our partners to change. Instead, we can realize our triggers and help them understand theirs, among other new awareness techniques. With Imago, the whole idea is to evolve and change. If you are not seeking to change your own self, Imago will do very little to help. But if you want to understand yourself and your partner at a deeper level, this will help you! Even if you are not in a relationship, it helps in amazing ways. 


That's a lot of stuff! I hope you can make time to check out any or all of these resources if you are interested in growing and developing. I'm no longer afraid of changing. Can I handle the seasons of my life? I'm beginning to be more and more confident that I can, because now I have resources to guide me in changing and growing as new information and experiences come along.

I have a lot of work to do! So much more learning and growing to go! In fact, I plan on being on this journey forever. It takes daily work, like learning a new language. It is a new language of understanding and love. Once you enter this world, there is no going back! I dare you to get your toes wet in any of these resources. I hope they impact you positively, as they have for me.

Do you have any resources that have helped create a profound change in your life? Please share them with me! I come from a deep religious background, so I'm familiar with many Christian resources. At the moment, I'm exploring resources that general Christianity has not encouraged or guided me to. What do you have??

<3 -Leah