On Being A Naturalist

Imagine a craving. Imagine wanting a juicy Whataburger with fries and their ketchup. Imagine wanting the perfect kale salad with nuts and cranberries. Imagine a cosmic brownie or your grandmas best snicker doodles. Imagine Hyderabad's best biryani or your mom's pancit. Imagine craving a nap or watching your favorite show or listening to your favorite song. Whatever kind of craving you ever have, crave it right now. Right now. Do it. And then...imagine you just got what you want. 

That's what being in nature is like for me. A breath of relief. Satisfaction. But it's different. Because instead of being able to give myself nature, I have to let it give itself to me. I have to let the gentle flow of the creek heal my soul. I have to let the leaves dry my tears. I have to let go of myself, remember I'm small and just breathe. Breathe with my diaphragm. Breathe with my soul. Breathe away from the cars and rent and bad grades. Sound kinda boho-hippy-hipster to you? This is what it's like to be a naturalist. 

Ok, maybe it's not exactly like this for every naturalist. But I have a need to experience God in nature. It's how he made me. And I'm glad to know it. Nature including anything from the beach to forests to mountains to rivers and rocks and sand and dirt and rain and wind and cold and hot and green and leaves. Forests with the most beautiful grassy floors. Waterfalls big and small. Mud, the kind you lose weak shoes in. Scratches and falling and climbing up unexpected things and always learning something new and being in awe. This is what helps heal me. 

I just wanted to give you a tiny little portrait on what being a naturalist fronts as. But...it can speak for itself. And I promise you, it has a lot more to say than you can imagine. 

Mmm, mid-walk snack.

Broken bridge? Deep ravine? Challenge accepted.

Definitely wore the wrong shoes. First time here and I didn't know what to expect and I came straight from work. Say hello to my huge bandage covering my saw wound (from when I built a shelf the other day). And say hello to my henna!

[Insert all the poetic words and feelings here]

Found my spot.

More angles of my spot.

Hanging in my spot. Thanks, nature, for taking da pic.

The view from where I swung was rather marvelous.

How about them perfect blue skies on this amazing Texas day of "winter."

Stream whispers.

Definitely wore the wrong shoes. Didn't limit my adventures, though. Then I thought, Jesus wore leather sandals too, right??

What's an adventure without some blood? Left my mark! And it left its mark, too... Also, full disclosure of my Filipino nose right there. 

Walking on a dream. 

I LOVE NATURE WOOOOO!

Shanna || Arusha's || July 11

Pictures from our time at Arusha's today.  Shanna's been down with shingles. She's finally to a point where she can move around without the pain bothering her too much. I eased her back into the world with some down time at my favorite Belton coffee shop. Enjoy!

Happy Monday from Galveston Island!

It's Monday so I thought I'd blog about my time at the beach last Friday. I love the beach. I love the shhhhh of the waves, the pounding presence of the sun, the annoying yet inviting sand, the little treasures on the shore, all of it! It just so happens, though, that I conveniently live in central Texas... Which means actual, authentic beach experiences are infrequent. The closest set up we have is Galveston Island, but hey it's a beach! I'm still in love. 

My baby sister and I made the four-ish hour drive to Galveston early Friday morning. We have Moody Gardens passes that expire in August so this summer we are trying to use them to their fullest. Our first stop was the Aquarium at Moody Gardens. 

 Our next stop was the Rain Forest Pyramid. This is one of my favorite places at Moody Gardens because of the butterfly section. I love butterflies. I always brag on them when people look at me like I'm a little girl for liking them. Monarchs can fly from Canada to Mexico. Can you do that??? Didn't think so.

I was just so satisfied to sit there and marvel at these incredible creatures. 

The next thing to do was check into our hotel BUT I screwed up the booking. We were supposed to stay a night but our plans changed. We just shrugged our shoulders and readjusted our mindset to enjoy the day as well as we could. Then... We headed to the beach!!!!

So here is my Galveston secret. We never go to the beach on Galveston Island anymore. The island is cool for doing touristy things but for chilling at the beach? Eh. We like to go to Bolivar Peninsula instead. There you can drive up on the beach (after you purchase a $10 beach pass at local stores) and pick a spot to hang! You have to take a ferry to the peninsula and sometimes it's busy, but it's always worth it to us. Plus the ferry ride is a fun experience! 

After we got our pass (and I got some drinks) we chose our spot on the beach and enjoyed all the fun things. It was a great day. 

One of the other pluses about Bolivar is that there are plenty of shells on the shore to collect. We love shells. Although the Gulf of Mexico isn't one of the prettiest or cleanest seas, it has a special place in my heart. I still thank the Lord for it :) 

Why I Love My Undergraduate University

The graduating class of Spring 2015 of my college of study.

I'm writing this entirely on my own initiative. I graduated this past May from the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor in Belton, TX, and as I reminisce on what my experience was, I've been overwhelmed with affection for this school (or more specifically, the experiences I had here). Please know, that statement is loaded with a profuse amount of explanation, which I am about to give you. This post is a reflection on my undergraduate experience and a placement of some of the puzzle-pieces-of-emotions I've been fiddling with as I get ready for my next educational journey. 

>>things that sucked

Believe it or not, not everything was magical and dandy.  There are a few stigmas about my university, some of which are definitely true.  It's a private, Christian (Baptist) university in Texas and it's small. The stereotypes and labels nearly scream out at you for that.  Given, there is quite a variety of students here due to our proximity to Fort Hood in Killeen. Still. Here we go.

1. The "Christian Bubble" was dense 

Bible-belters understand this term and outsiders may too if they're victims. There's nothing fun about the Christian Bubble. It's when a group of "Christians" stick only to themselves in as many aspects of life as possible, from campus activities to social gatherings to study groups, etc.  They all go to church together, life group, Bible study, intramural sports teams, become best friends with only other Christians, etc.  I found myself in this type of community over and over again. I grew up in this type of community.  Let me tell you about it--there's a lot of judgement, gossiping, drama, "fun" activities, and very little sharing of the gospel with those who have never heard or want to hear.  I'm not saying a strong Christian community isn't good if you believe in Jesus. By all means, we are SO meant to live out our faith and grow with other people. But this bubble didn't really let in the obviously-broken, required you to hide your brokenness, and was so counter to everything a Christian should be doing. I love my wonderful, godly friends. We quite often, though, did a bad job of sharing the treasure of love that we talk about so much. 

2. The absolute zero alcohol rule

I took this screenshot from the online version of UMHB's 2014-2015 Student Handbook. This rule is extremely obsolete among students at our university. This rule was unfortunate because even if you are 45 year-old student at a restaurant with your family having a glass of wine, if you're caught by the university, you have to pay a fine. Three strikes is out. I would go so far as to say 85% of major campus student leaders consume alcohol on a regular basis while being students at the university. I'm not endorsing drunkenness. I'm endorsing the ridiculousness of a rule that more than half the university doesn't stick to and causes great people to get in trouble for something that isn't illegal. Rant ended. 

(Update as of 8/24/2015--this rule has been changed!) 

A few other things here and there weren't the best, but other than these two major ones, not a lot else "sucked" on my watch. Tuition goes up every year at just about every university. The general university cliches are prevalent at most places. (Oh, our mascot was the worst--the Crusaders--but that's a whole other post in itself). This blog post isn't about the awful things, though. It's about why I love my school and I will always be happy to say I went here.

>>things that rocked my socks off 

1. The people

Without a doubt, this was the best part of my undergraduate experience--the people I met, friends I made, and things they taught me.  It is a fact that you change so much in college.  Who you are when you came in is not who you are when you leave, in a good way.  I've noticed this of some of my wonderful friends and especially with myself.  

My friends were my favorite teachers. I was always so impressed by their ability to love. Each of my friends loved differently and I am immensely grateful for the opportunity to love and be loved by them. My roommate since freshman year and one of my best friends Rachel was always challenging me to love better, whether she knew it or not, by her incredible compassion for others. My friend Lindsay taught me to be less judgmental with her admiration for people who other people gossiped about. Lindsay taught me to love in such a rich and deep way that I definitely did not do before.  My friend Audrey taught me to love people where they are and to love them freely.  My friend Beverly taught me to love people subtly, quietly, and fiercely.  My friend Maegan taught me to love people with laughter and consideration.  My friend Rachel Booth taught me to love without inhibitions to my true self. My friend Ashley taught me to love people in a genuine way, embracing the reality of situations and emotions and exploring the depths of honesty. My friend Jessica taught me to love others in color--joy, excitement, silliness, and by resting with them. I could go on and on but I will forever be marked with the sweet imprint of these unique lives.  I love you!

My professors in my college of study were so influential these past three years. Gosh, I love these humans so much. I didn't do that great a job expressing it while I was still a student, but they too have left their mark on my life.  Perhaps one of the biggest things I am grateful to them for is their encouragement of women in my field of study.  They are a force united to empower women in ministry, contrary to many of the influences of the "Bible Belt" and the general belief of many UMHB faculty and students, and IT WAS FREAKING AWESOME! So many people do not understand the struggle that it is to be a Christian woman in the South in the U.S. and they did. Even the male professors. And they enriched my experience with their wit, humor (especially D. Rob), belief in my ability as a student and minister, and their constant encouragement and recognition.  I honestly could have been a better student. But regardless, they took care to make sure we knew we were valued. Thanks to these professors!! I hope to take some of their skill and love into my teaching one day. 

My church community and leaders are so dear to me.  I will always have a special place in my heart for First Baptist Belton.  Although many of the leaders and congregation there don't endorse my view of women in ministry, they still provided incredible opportunities to follow, lead, and learn as a minister. I have been loved so well by this family, and I can only hope I have done an adequate job serving my fellow believers.  This body of believers supported me when Dominic and I took a group of students to India this past December. This body of believers has loved me in my faults and mess-ups. This body of believers has encouraged me in what I love most and I can't be grateful enough for it. I have special thanks for my supervisor Mark and his wife Alice, who have allowed me the freedom to be creative in my intern position. I am so grateful for Colton and Katy who have loved me profusely while serving there.  I also LOVE Karen and Jesse, who do so much for our church body and who also mean so much to me. The Holy Spirit is at work in this church body, and I am thankful for how the Lord has used this community to shape me. 

2. The city

Yes, this is in Belton.

Belton is a tiny little city and most people would rather go to Austin than spend the weekend here, but I love this city.  It has offered so many fun experiences! There are tons of trails and places to hike here.  There are two gorgeous lakes where you can swim, kayak, have a bonfire, stand-up paddle board, and simply enjoy.  I've also had a lot of fun in and around Nolan Creek. I LOVE the coffee shop Arusha's downtown. Haytem is all about the community of Belton and I will never forget my long conversations with Jacques (and my short attempts at conversations with him in French). Belton has a lot of fun thrift stores and antique stores. And every third (or something) Saturday there are market days downtown, which I've participated in a few times for fundraisers.  There's also a farmer's market downtown every Saturday. Belton, too, will always have a warm place in my heart.

3. The campus

UMHB that one time it snowed for a few hours.

UMHB is pretty. It's not THE prettiest, but it's beautiful (haha at being a UMHB girl). I loved climbing the tree at Luther Memorial and looking over the city of Belton. I loved the trails next to Peacock ranch and sleeping in hammocks at night there. I loved playing sardines! I'll never forget the ever-present train and its persistence blast.  I'll never forget our football games and how they were only great in the beginning but then stunk after we knew we were going to win, which was always (until the very last game in the finals). I'll never forget my quiet times next to Burt Pond. I'll never forget when the basement floor of Presser was empty and "haunted" and the perfect place to scare wimpy friends.  So many memories. Woo!

This just lightly scratches the surface of my university experience, but I couldn't help but share it with you. For all those thinking about or are already going to UMHB, just know you can have the time of your life.  But here is the real matter of fact: it's always what you make it.  I know plenty of people who hate my university, and I don't blame them, except most of those people didn't really want to love it in the first place.  Your undergraduate experience will ALWAYS be what you make it. And you can make it awesome. I'm overwhelmed with joy at the gift God gave me in my time at UMHB. And for that, I can say I will always love my undergraduate experience at Mary Hardin-Baylor. 

Friedrich Therapy: What I Learned

Life has been hard. It's been very hard. I've made some mistakes. I've lost some precious things. I've realized more and more the rawness of humanity and sin and it hurts. So I went to Missouri.

I hope and pray everyone has people they can cry in the arms of. Part of healing comes with dropping your inhibitions when it comes to crying and just letting your tears fall. To be in a safe place where you know you won't be judged for crying your heart out when that's the way you feel. This is what Lindsay has been for me. 

My dear friend Lindsay. There is something about her heart and her love and in this time of my life, she was the friend I needed. I've had so much joy being with her family here in Grandview. In Lindsay's world there is the joyful evidence of God's redeeming love from our lowest of low points to restored relationships. In Lindsay's world there is this freedom to be human. In Lindsay's world there is the some of the best laughter that ever existed. 

I've learned or maybe relearned or maybe learned in a new way this much: 

1. How to hurt when I hurt

2. That it's ok to dream and dream big. 

3. The journey from immense pain is the best one.

4. There exists out there so much joy that you just want to burst it's unreal.

5. Life is hard. People suck. I suck. 

6. Jesus is worth it. 

7. Being in love is hard but so fun. 

Lindsay and Joel run Café Main. It's such a swell shop and they really are one of the best couples I know. I love them so so much! I praise the Lord for the help he gives in the form of friendship. There is something so sweet when he touches souls with souls and we realize we are utterly dependent on him. I've cried so many tears and I know I have many more to come. With it I sing to a God who is faithful and true. Undeniably good.