LeahAnnMarie: Transitions & Natural Hair

Okay! I get it! The young are capricious! It's kind of like having younger siblings - you want to tell them not to do the same stupid shit you did because you know how it ends...but they simply will not learn until they experience it for themselves. Same for parents to kids. The interplay between your personal knowledge and someone else's need for personal experience can be frustrating - or beautiful.

Life happens in stages of development. There are physical stages, like puberty and old age. There are psychological stages, which lead to increased maturity. Sometimes people miss certain stages. There are all kinds of theories on what the stages are, but we know for sure that we experience different things at different ages, and the lessons we learn (should) help us continue in maturity/wisdom. If you miss a stage, you can't typically progress to any other stage after that because each stage builds on the one before.

All of this to say, I'm deep inside of a searching/questioning/exploring phase. Sometimes I feel like circumstances rocket-launched me into this phase. Mostly, I'm very aware of the choices I've made to be here. Occasionally I question if I should have gone through this sooner, but no matter - where I am now is where I am. Honestly? I love where I am. I FEEL WILD AND FREE.

It's tough, too. I'm no longer:
-a student
-a child
-employed
-a christian
-in a relationship

And all of these labels have provided each their own false sense of security before. Now, I'm naked, unbound by any group, label, identity and WOAH, if you've been here, you know it's scary. Maybe you never made it here and you crave it. How I wish everyone gets their own chance to be stripped of all the baggage put on by family and society.

What is happening in this stage? I'm all over the place wild, changing my hair every few months (hence, no longer having dreadlocks), exploring new places, searching for meaning in a workplace, attempting to be true to my deepest passions I've known since I was a tiny kid (when I was unexposed to the heartache and bias of the world). I'm fighting to understand my intrinsic value as a human being - the value that isn't defined by what I do/can do, what I think/believe, what I look like, etc. In part, I wrote this blog to talk about my dreadlocks.

DREADLOCKS - they were short lived this time around. I suspect I might try them again, but who really knows? They were purposeful when I had them. Remember what I wrote before? When I was inside some intense transitions, I began working on dreading my hair. It was helpful for me to have something tangible I could control with my hands while the rest of the world was spinning out of my control. Eventually, when the dreads were a bit more normal, I did not make enough time to maintain them at the level I wanted. I desired to feel confident with my hair, but I didn't make the choices to reach that confidence level. My dreadlocks got very messy, and I no longer admired myself with them. So I took them out. It was rapid and it was unexpected, but it was right. I made yet another change in my life, and now I'm blogging about it. Typical!

In all truthfulness, though, I'm sharing this to tell you - it's okay to change. It's actually okay to do something different, something out of the ordinary. Also, you're allowed to return to something you left. My parents choose to believe I'm still a "Christian" or "believer" in order to make it through another day. My sister Shanna has left the door open for returning to Christianity (and I've left it open vice versa; more on my transition away from my childhood belief system in the future). I'm putting in the work in accepting the rapid unsureness of my present stage. While I don't plan on returning to anything of my past any time soon, my hair has been a safe place to practice change and transition. What a gift.

Now, I'm rocking my natural hair again, and I love it! Since I recently began exploring going natural with the rest of my body (growing out my armpit hair, eyebrow/unibrow hair and leg/toe hair), it makes sense to return my head hair to its natural state. It's like completing a puzzle. The last piece, at least for now, was saying goodbye to my dreadlocks. So many people loved them and met me for their first time when I had them.

Yet I'm shuffling the puzzle pieces all the time, all the same. Here's a quote from an empowering Ted talk about being in your 20s:

"These are the facts... We know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. So your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options."

Honestly, it does no good to look down on millennials for their wild changes. Every adult goes through being in their 20s. Give this Ted talk a listen, no matter what age you are, and get on board with empowering 20 year olds.

What does this have anything to do with all the major shifts happening in the world right now? When you connect someone to the freedom to choose their own path and change their mind, you open doors for authentic, active change. When you quit requiring young people to appropriate their true self to religion or law, you will see good changes happen. Once again, I'm offering this small story in hopes that one less person will feel alone in their wild, shifting, changing 20s. I'm really hoping you listen to the Ted talk and feel proud to embody the stage you're in. Being in your 20s doesn't mean you have a decade to waste. It's the PRIME time to put in the work that will impact the rest of your life. I used to tell people my age coupled with the phrase, "I'm just a baby." Now I'm closer to feeling confident when I say I'm in my early 20s. And it's tough, but I'm putting in the work. Here's to changing!!