Here's to the Fall

It's the first day of fall. I saw this photo this morning on Instagram:

And I just about left work for the day 3 hours early, it made me so happy. I absolutely love nature (as you may well know), and I love the way nature speaks. All the great poets did/do. All the simple farmers did/do. It's a treasure beyond our own language. 

Then I started thinking about fall itself. In the category of generations, fall is the season of abundance. Last fall I felt abundantly depressed. This fall, I'm heading that same direction. A lot has been going on (more on that in the future). 

I also heard this quote today from this scene in Shameless season 4, episode 12 (*spoilers ahead*):

"But you a grown up. There comes a point in time that you gotta take control of your own life. Whatever you from, whoever did you wrong, didn't do what they were supposed to do, wasn't being who they was supposed to be — it's just you. No more excuses."

And then I thought, "Damn. That's true."

This scene is from the second time Fiona got released from jail. Her probation officer is telling her that she has to be accountable for her own actions now. Regardless of what people have done to her before, she has to choose for herself now.

Of course I'm not gonna stop working through and recovering from all that's happened in the past. This tough love isn't what anyone needs all the time. We need moments to hold ourselves, tell ourselves it's gonna be okay, that the pain won't last forever.

But I remembered today that all the shit from my parents and family, past lovers, old friends, cruel authorities— it's not me. I am me. No one can be me for me. 

It's time to take up my own shit and quit holding on to old relics of past pain. 

Here is to the fall.